BREAKING: Government Now Requiring All Employee Handbooks to be Written With Movie Quotes

by Mammoth Team on April 1, 2016

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Some big rule changes are coming for your next employee handbook. In an unexpected move to improve employee engagement, the Department of Labor today announced a partnership with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science. As part of the deal, the Oscars will now be managed and hosted by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission—more diversity!—and Hollywood will now be overseeing employee handbook compliance.

This morning, officials announced the first major new rule change: all employee handbooks must incorporate famous movie quotes. Enforcement will begin in 60 days. Before then, the DOL will issue regulations concerning the required number of famous movie quotes and the process for determining whether a quote is sufficiently famous.

But don't worry, we've got you covered. Our five-star guide covers everything you need to know about the newly announced handbook policies. Download now and learn how Mean Girls can inspire your dress code—“On Wednesdays we wear pink”—or how the Princess Bride can help you justify not having sick leave—“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Can’t offer on-the-job training? James Bond has you covered: “Training is useful, but there is no substitute for experience.”

Incorporating employee holidays into your calendar? Try this crowd pleaser, as recommended by Office Space: “Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.”

Need a quick performance improvement plan? Take a line from Jedi master Yoda: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Want to prohibit employees bringing their kids to the office? Henry J. Waternoose of Monsters, Inc. has you covered: “There’s nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you!”

How about a policy on effective meetings? Here’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: “Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.” No kidding, right?

And Neo from The Matrix can help you explain at-will employment: “I don't know how this is going to end. I know how it's going to begin.”

Or how about ideas for a new incentive plan, from Alec Baldwin’s character in Glengarry Glen Ross: "We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?... Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is -- you're fired."

Of course, no employee handbook is complete without highlighting your company values. If you’re struggling to come up with your own, here are some options:

  • On great service: Our customer service “goes to 11.” (Spinal Tap)
  • On being a strong company: “Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.” (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)
  • On innovation: “Adapt or die.” (Moneyball)
  • On Persistence: “Just keep swimming.” (Finding Nemo)
  • On Honesty: “A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.” (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)
  • On dedication: “Never give up! Never surrender!” (Galaxy Quest)

 

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April Fools!

Ok, so your next employee handbook won’t need to be chock full of famous movie quotes, but it should still cover the basics of compliance, engagement, and your company culture. Done right, it can help you grow and protect your business. The best part? A handbook is included in your Mammoth membership.

If you’ve been putting off doing your handbook, we can help. See how by signing up for a demo. After all, as Will Smith said in The Pursuit of Happyness: “Don't ever let someone tell you, you can't do something. You got a dream… protect it.”

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