How to Accommodate Monsters in the Workplace

by Mammoth Team on October 25, 2015

We’ve all had new hires turn out to be not the people we thought they’d be. Some can transform into insufferable nightmares. With Halloween fast approaching, here are a few tips on what to do if some of your staff turn into monsters -- literally.

Vampires

These undead creatures can be moody. But there are things you can do to make them feel more comfortable and productive: They prefer nighttime work hours, but if that’s not an option, just make sure to keep their workstations out of direct sunlight. Otherwise you risk inadvertently terminating them. If you happen to have a Vampire Slayer on staff, you may want to have a discussion with everyone about appropriate workplace conduct. It also wouldn’t hurt to have a “No biting” clause in your employee handbook.

Werewolves

Werewolves can unpredictably transform from their human state to their wolf-like appearance, so if you have werewolves on staff, consider implementing a pets at work policy. Also, you don’t want them in the office on or around a full moon, so offer them appropriate leave -- and make sure they take it.

Ghosts

We learned from Patrick Swayze that ghosts can move tangible objects, so don’t let your ghostly employees get away with the old “I don’t have a body” excuse for not doing their work. They also love being the office prankster, always sneaking up on colleagues and spooking them. To prevent this from getting out of hand, sit down with the ghosts on your staff (ok, they may mostly hover) and clearly discuss with them expected office behavior.

Zombies

Your zombie workers will likely moan a lot, and in most cases that's permissible. But let them know they should try to do so quietly. Hygiene may be another issue, so be aware that you may need to gently talk with them about that. Above all, Zombie workers come with a high level of risk, so advise other employees to politely decline if one of their Zombie colleagues invites them for a bite to eat.

Ghouls

Don’t hire ghouls. If you hire one by mistake, escort it to the nearest cemetery, leave it behind, and never speak of it again. Trust us on this one.

Wicked Witches

If you offer a commuter benefit, consider one for brooms as well. More importantly, train your crew on water safety. A sudden spill or splash could result in a melted employee and a crippling OSHA violation.


So if some members of your staff prefer the graveyard shift or howl at full moons, don't fret. Learning their strengths and motivations can turn them into valuable members of your team. Except for the ghouls. They're evil.

 

Topics: Culture, Best Practices

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